Family mealtimes

The family table is more than a piece of furniture: regular shared meals are one of the well-researched protective factors for children. A review in the journal Pediatrics (Hammons and Fiese, 2011) brought together 17 studies involving more than 180,000 children and adolescents: those who ate with their family at least three times a week had a 12% lower risk of being overweight, ate healthy foods such as fruit and vegetables more often and were less likely to show disordered eating. These are observational studies – they show associations, not proof. But the direction fits well with what we know about role models and fullness.

Why can the table make such a difference? First, children see how adults eat and copy them. Second, families eating at the table usually have home-cooked food with more vegetables and less sugar than when they're out and about. Third, people eat more slowly and talk – which gives the feeling of fullness time to kick in. And fourth, family meals give children a reliable place where they are seen. That protects their emotional well-being too.

A tried-and-tested framework is the division of responsibility described by US dietitian and family therapist Ellyn Satter: parents decide what, when and where food is eaten – the child decides whether to eat and how much. This takes the pressure out of every meal: no forcing children to clear their plate, no bargaining over dessert, but no special made-to-order meals either.

In practice, this means: set mealtimes, everyone sitting down, no TV and no phones at the table (parents included), water as the default drink, vegetables as part of every meal and a topic of conversation that has nothing to do with calories. It doesn't have to be perfect: if only breakfast or dinner together works out, that's a good start.

At the family table, everyone gets a say: children help with planning, shopping and laying the table. When they help shape the meal, they're happier to eat it.